How to Stop Worrying Forever
I know this sounds crazy. How can I, a 28 year old random guy who lives in New York City and shoots headshots for a living, claim I've come up with a system that will help end worrying for you?
Well, you're right. It does sound crazy. But I want you to trust me just for a moment and keep reading, because I've discovered some mind blowing facts that made me realize that my unconscious mind is just plain stupid. And therein lies the secret to end worrying forever.
FACT: Our unconscious mind is dead wrong most of the time, and our conscious mind is almost always right.
Well, you're right. It does sound crazy. But I want you to trust me just for a moment and keep reading, because I've discovered some mind blowing facts that made me realize that my unconscious mind is just plain stupid. And therein lies the secret to end worrying forever.
FACT: Our unconscious mind is dead wrong most of the time, and our conscious mind is almost always right.
PART 1: Why do we worry about things anyway?
Worrying seems stupid right? It causes unnecessary stress, makes us less effective in work, and just causes us more unhappiness. So why do we do it? That's a good question, and one that most people don't think to ask.
But let's think about this for a moment. What will worrying do for us? How will it help us?
Well, on a surface level, worrying seems to help us organize our problems. By keeping our problems in our heads and the possible outcomes for situations we're considering, it lets us focus on possible solutions, making us feel like we need to take action. If we didn't worry, we might become lazy and not do anything about our problems.
But is that really really true? Let's dive a bit deeper.
But let's think about this for a moment. What will worrying do for us? How will it help us?
Well, on a surface level, worrying seems to help us organize our problems. By keeping our problems in our heads and the possible outcomes for situations we're considering, it lets us focus on possible solutions, making us feel like we need to take action. If we didn't worry, we might become lazy and not do anything about our problems.
But is that really really true? Let's dive a bit deeper.
PART 2: What does worrying really do for us?
If we think about it in more detail, worrying actually does a lot more for us than we think.
Note: Read this section a few times if you glaze over on anything because it means your brain is blocking you from understanding it - this means you're about to have a breakthrough once you finally get it!
Note: Read this section a few times if you glaze over on anything because it means your brain is blocking you from understanding it - this means you're about to have a breakthrough once you finally get it!
- Worrying makes us feel like we're accomplishing things because, by going over scenarios in our heads, we feel like were organizing our thoughts and moving closer to solving our problems.
- Worrying gives us the sense that we're helping others and being selfless because the more we focus on our problems, the more it feels like we're taking action to solve them. This causes us to feel like we're going to be better able to help those we care about.
- Worrying shows we are open-minded because we're actively thinking about our problems and focusing on them.
- Worrying helps relieve pressure and stress in our lives because it means others will be less likely to ask us to do things that might conflict with the things we're worried about.
- We unconsciously enjoy worrying because it helps us get attention, both from others who listen to our worries and from ourselves because we try to comfort ourselves when we worry.
- Worrying helps us connect with others in what feels like an honest way. By sharing our troubles or focusing on things that could happen, we feel like we're bonding with others and creating a deeper connection with them. We're also showing them that we are the same as them because everyone has things to worry about.
- Worrying makes us appear honest to others. By thinking about our troubles, we'll be more likely to share our troubles with others which essentially means we're being vulnerable. The only way to show vulnerability is by being honest, right?
PART 3: Why would it be bad if we didn't worry?
Weird question right? Again, it's the questions no one asks that are often the best. So what would we stand to lose if we stopped worrying? Well, pretty much the opposite of everything we said we'd gain by worrying, right?
But let's go through these things one by one, and remember, read something a few times if it doesn't make sense or your glaze over on it!
But let's go through these things one by one, and remember, read something a few times if it doesn't make sense or your glaze over on it!
- If we completely stopped worrying, it would be so new and foreign to us we'd have no idea what to expect. And that unknown and uncertainty is scary, right?
- We'd no longer feel connected to others because no one would have a reason to feel bad for us. If we never worried and only focused on positivity all the time, how could we get love and sympathy from others?
- If we didn't worry, might lose our friends. Worrying about things and sharing our problems helps us form bonds with people because we share intimate facts about our lives. Not worrying anymore would cause us to no longer be able to share these things, leading us to lose our closest connections.
- If we didn't worry, we wouldn't feel like we could help others because it's our way of connecting with people (even when we do it alone). Do you ever worry about your kids or spouse? And isn't that the way you prove to yourself that you love and care about them? If you didn't worry, would you feel guilty?
- If we stopped worrying, we would seem dishonest to people. Why? Because no one doesn't worry, right? So how could you possibly not worry about anything at all and still be an honest person? People might think you were a liar if you never worried.
- Not worrying would make us feel like we're being lazy because, by not going over scenarios in our heads, we'd feel like were not going to take action to solve our problems.
- Not worrying would make us seem selfish because we would just seem so happy all the time and relaxed that it wouldn't be fair to others, right?
- If we didn't worry, we'd seem closed-minded to people because it would look like we didn't care.
- Not worrying would make us more stressed because we'd feel like we weren't focusing on our problems or working through them at all, and they would just start piling up.
PART 4: Is all of the above true?
We just discussed all the reasons why worrying helps us, and why not worrying would hurt us. But is all of that information true? Or is that just stuff that FEELS true but isn't ACTUALLY true in reality?
In many cases, things might FEEL real, but they actually are completely fictional, or made up in our own heads. As it turns out, the reality of the situation is that most of our worrying is based on fiction and not fact. So let's discuss why we know this is true. Scroll down to find out!
In many cases, things might FEEL real, but they actually are completely fictional, or made up in our own heads. As it turns out, the reality of the situation is that most of our worrying is based on fiction and not fact. So let's discuss why we know this is true. Scroll down to find out!
PART 5: What would not worrying do for us in reality?
We all consciously understand that worrying is, in general, bad for us because it creates extra stress and is mostly useless. So then why do we keep worrying? Because of all the reasons we discussed earlier.
But now it's time to see all the reasons that not worrying is actually the better solution. So here we go:
But now it's time to see all the reasons that not worrying is actually the better solution. So here we go:
- Not worrying would mean we'd be able to focus on solutions instead of problems, leading to more action and more results. We'd be more excited, achieve more, and have more fun in life. This would, in reality, lead to less stress.
- If we stopped worrying, we'd have higher self esteem because you'd see more possibilities for action in your life.
- You would be stepping out of your comfort zone by no longer worrying, which would cause you to grow and become a more honest, person who listens better, contributes more, and does more things in life.
- Not worrying means you're actually being honest and focusing only on what's happening in real life instead of some fictional scenarios that are playing out in your head. It basically means you're accepting reality as it is instead of making it out to be worse than it is. Remember, there's a difference between feeling like you're honest by worrying and actually being honest by not worrying and just seeing reality as it is. Remember: focusing on solutions and coming up with ideas is different than worrying.
- If you stopped worrying, you'd even be more honest with yourself because you'd be focusing on what actually matters instead of making up excuses and reasons to not do anything to change it.
- You'll be able to create more meaningful connections with others if you stopped worrying because you'd be genuinely focused on them instead of yourself and you'd give them more attention. This leads to them caring even more for you and you getting more attention back.
- Does it feel better to make a situation out to be hopeless so you don't have to take action? We can easily lie to others and ourselves and make out our situation to be much worse than it is so that we can be lazy and avoid taking action to fix it.
- If we completely stopped worrying, it would be so new and foreign to us we'd have no idea what to expect. And that unknown and uncertainty is scary, right?
- We'd no longer feel connected to others because no one would have a reason to feel bad for us. If we never worried and only focused on positivity all the time, how could we get love and sympathy from others?
- If we didn't worry, might lose our friends. Worrying about things and sharing our problems helps us form bonds with people because we share intimate facts about our lives. Not worrying anymore would cause us to no longer be able to share these things, leading us to lose our closest connections.
- If we didn't worry, we wouldn't feel like we could help others because it's our way of connecting with people (even when we do it alone). Do you ever worry about your kids or spouse? And isn't that the way you prove to yourself that you love and care about them? If you didn't worry, would you feel guilty?
- If we stopped worrying, we would seem dishonest to people. Why? Because no one doesn't worry, right? So how could you possibly not worry about anything at all and still be an honest person? People might think you were a liar if you never worried.
- Not worrying would make us feel like we're being lazy because, by not going over scenarios in our heads, we'd feel like were not going to take action to solve our problems.
- Not worrying would make us seem selfish because we would just seem so happy all the time and relaxed that it wouldn't be fair to others, right?
- If we didn't worry, we'd seem closed-minded to people because it would look like we didn't care.
- Not worrying would make us more stressed because we'd feel like we weren't focusing on our problems or working through them at all, and they would just start piling up.
PART 6: What does worrying actually mean about us?
- Worrying is actually a form of lying because you're creating up worst case outcomes for things, and studies have shown that 90% of the things we worry about never happen. This is dishonest and hurts not only yourself, but also those you care about most.
- Worrying actually means you're completely self-focused.
- Being worried all the time means you'll take anger out on those you care about since you'll be more irritable. People won't enjoy spending time with you because you'll just be taking instead of giving in an honest way.
- Worrying keeps you repeating the same scenarios over and over, which means you'll never grow or become a better person. You won't be able to contribute in an honest way, which will ultimately lead to a life of self-pity that no one will remember after you're gone.
- Worrying means you're lying about reality, you're focused on yourself, and you're narrow minded because you're not trying something new (i.e. not worrying), and you're focused on what's going non in your own head.
- You don't care because you're just focused on yourself and the problems instead of the solutions and having enough guts to take the chance on seeing how life would be if you stopped worrying.
- Worrying means you're the complete center of attention.
- Worrying means you're the most hypocritical person ever because aren;'t we always telling others, "Don't worry about it!" and yet we worry all the time.
- Worrying means you're narrow minded because you won't accept other's advice ands you're unwilling to try new things.
- Worrying means you use people to make you feel good from their attention.
- Worrying makes you dishonest with others because you're focusing on the negative side of things in your life and exaggerating them just to make other people feel better about themselves... like, "Look how bad my problems are, so you should be happy with your life." This is completely detrimental to your relationships with other people because you're hurting them and leading them to be complacent with where they are in life rather than striving to improve their's and other's lives.
- You'll connect with others less because no one likes uptight people.
So what to do?
As an overall summary, we unconsciously think worrying is good for us, but consciously know it's bad. And therein lies the truth. Our conscious minds are almost always right and our unconscious minds are almost always wrong.
In the case of worrying, we think worrying serves us and others, but the reality is it does the exact opposite and it hurts those we care about most because by worrying ourselves, we inspire those we care about most to also worry (for us and themselves). That can't be a good thing, right?
In the case of worrying, we think worrying serves us and others, but the reality is it does the exact opposite and it hurts those we care about most because by worrying ourselves, we inspire those we care about most to also worry (for us and themselves). That can't be a good thing, right?
“The most successful person is the one who has failed more than anyone else in a particular field.”